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For one thing, there’s too many fat children. D’oh. I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…

I was saying “Boo-urns.” Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

Jesus must be spinning in his grave! I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. I stand by my racial slur. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… D’oh.

But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish!
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
Inflammable means flammable? What a country. Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.

Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!